a mom of three

I’ve been reading back through some old posts (here and here); posts that I put up when I was the mother to one child – one young child who slept through the night – and I am struck by how much time I had to metabolize the parenting experiences I was having. I had time to internalize them, to turn them over and carefully examine them from every angle. I had time to do research on what conclusions other parents came to about similar situations, and I had time to think about how I wanted to handle the situation if it were to arise again in the future.
I am also struck by how infrequently I do this anymore. Between the drop-offs and pick-up and daily feedings, and grocery shopping and meal planning, and spending QT with my husband, and my multiple jobs – did I mention sleep? – I don’t have time to check what Janet would do. I feel like I’ve gone from parenting with a purpose to parenting under fire. And it feels messy and ugly and like I am short-changing my kids. (Not to mention my husband and myself.)

Sometimes I wonder if I would be a better mom if I had fewer kids.

But then I see my children together. I watch with love Alice’s face light up when she sees Eleanor and Oliver each morning;  I listen with amusement to Oliver and Eleanor send each other into giggling fits at the dinner table;  I listen with pride as Eleanor offers to turn the light on for Oliver in the bedroom so he can cook; and I watch the gentle way Oliver feeds Alice her puffs and I know the answer.

No. I most definitely would not. (But I might have smaller bags under my eyes.)

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3 thoughts on “a mom of three

  1. We’re having the same thoughts lately..it’s not easy..but it is fun with them…and I tell myself that it’s going to get (slowly) better as they grow older…Thanks for sharing. It felt good to read that others have the same struggles as us đŸ™‚

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  2. As a mom that went from one child to three when I had twins, I totally feel you! One was SO much easier in many ways. I definitely felt like I was doing a "better" job. But to see them all playing together, loving each other and learning from each other instead of just from mom and dad, well that is absolutely priceless! Exhausting and frustrating too, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

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    1. "… exhausting and frustrating too, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything." I TOTALLY agree. Many people can’t understand why I’m asleep by 9:00 most nights, but I bet you can!!

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